Friday, June 29, 2007

All Kollel People Are Nice....Apparently

A few weeks back our next door neighbors moved out. I received a call this morning from the mother of someone who was on the waitlist for our apartment complex and is interested in moving in next door. So, she had some questions for me about the building. She wanted to know who lived there, so I told her. She then asked everyone in the apartment did for a living. I paused, and she then interjected, "We want to know if there are any other Kollel couples in the building; they want to feel comfortable."

Ahh, where to begin. Wouldn't whether or not the people are friendly individuals be a better criterion to judge whether or not to move to a building? What if everyone in the building was in Kollel, and they moved in, only to find out that they are nasty individuals? But apparently that doesn't matter. Besides, what does it matter if people in your building, specifically, are in Kollel? Does it add Kedusha to the air of your apartment? Maybe it's just me, but I'd feel more "comfortable" in a building full of nice non-Jews than frum people who are nasty. But, maybe that's why I'm not in Kollel.

16 Comments:

Anonymous aishel said...

Tell them to move to Yeshiva Lane (Fallstaff)

So what did you tell them?

12:42 PM, June 29, 2007

 
Blogger AlanLaz said...

She said that they really want to move to Fallstaff, but that they don't know when something will become available.

After telling her what she wanted to know, I noted to her that whether or not they would be comfortable, likely, would have nothing to with whether or not the neighbors were in Kollel.

12:51 PM, June 29, 2007

 
Anonymous G said...

Wait, wait, wait...the MOTHER of someone who is thinking about moving in called to look into their child's prospective building.

That's priceless!

1:55 PM, June 29, 2007

 
Anonymous G said...

Can't resist :)

Wouldn't whether or not the people are friendly individuals be a better criterion to judge whether or not to move to a building?

--Of course not, you am haaretz.

What if everyone in the building was in Kollel, and they moved in, only to find out that they are nasty individuals?

--Please can we stay away from theoretical cases, we all know that is impossible.

Besides, what does it matter if people in your building, specifically, are in Kollel?

--Hello, McFly!! It's all that matters, have you not been paying attention.

Does it add Kedusha to the air of your apartment?

--Ummmm, yeah, DUH!

Maybe it's just me, but I'd feel more "comfortable" in a building full of nice non-Jews than frum people who are nasty.

--You're right, it's just you.

But, maybe that's why I'm not in Kollel.

--Exactly!!!

2:02 PM, June 29, 2007

 
Blogger SaraK said...

Oy vey...the couple can't even look into an apartment by themselves? Then I don't think they are mature enough to get married, but no one is asking me, that's for sure. Yeah, I heard Fallstaff is a hot commodity. ???
I loved living on Doral. Much nicer than pseudo-Yeshiva Lane.

2:13 PM, June 29, 2007

 
Blogger Ezzie said...

My sis liked Sanzo. And loves Heather Ridge. I've never heard them complain about the lack of kollel people, but their neighbors are all nice. Funny, there are no kollel people around them...!

2:18 PM, June 29, 2007

 
Blogger AlanLaz said...

G - good work.

Ezzie - I also like Heather Ridge...but they're condos.

2:37 PM, June 29, 2007

 
Blogger Jewboy said...

This Fallstaff thing has gone to the extremes. I know of someone who was only willing to move to Pickwick if they could live on Falllstaff. And that's not to mention the kollel wife there who told someone looking to move to Fallstaff that "This street is great, none of the husbands talk to you!" Priceless.

5:22 PM, June 29, 2007

 
Blogger DAG said...

Why do they trust you if you are not in Kollel?

6:00 PM, June 29, 2007

 
Anonymous a2 said...

do the other couples use plastic tablecloths?

do the wives wear shabbos robes to the table? (then again on yeshiva lane -- i mean fallstaff -- they actually wear them outside as well)

10:25 PM, June 30, 2007

 
Blogger SephardiLady said...

Goodluck to the couple whose mother is so involved in the arrangements of their marriage that she is making all the inquiries.

10:24 PM, July 01, 2007

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

After reading the post and the comments all I can say is Ouch. I hope that the person in question sees this blog and realizes that a sincere question was used to mock her publicly. The couple should most definitely avoid this building. Perhaps the couple has met too many people like the commenters here who are working and want to protect themselves from this kind of treatment. My husband works as do I - and we would never treat ANYONE with this level of disregard.

Ever hear of being dan l'kaf z'chus?????? Perhaps, as an example for all those who turned their noses up on this overinvolved mother, the bride is in grad school full time because she is planning on supporting her husband. Given that it is the summer semester she doesn't have a spare minute to breathe and asked her mother to help do some of the legwork in finding an apartment.

Could be not - but why assume that she is a spoiled brat who can't do anything on her own. She could be overly pampered but according to Torah law - by which we are all bound whether we are working or not - we have to assume she has a fine character until proven to be a rasha.

And if we do have proof otherwise we can't share it with others unless there is a true need.

8:26 PM, July 02, 2007

 
Blogger AlanLaz said...

Anon,

Note that I mentioned nothing about her calling on behalf of her child. You can be dan l'chaf zechus all you want - my only point was that the sole criterion used for their "comfort" was whether or not other kollel couples were living in the building. I'm not mocking her; I'm mocking the mindset.

As per Torah law, I do assume she has fine character. I do not assume, however, that she uses other critera than the one she told me about to help decide what is a good building for her child to move in to.

Oh, and if you're interested, the apartment next door is still open, but my University of Maryland door mat may be a bit much for you to handle.

10:13 PM, July 02, 2007

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm not mocking her; I'm mocking the mindset.

Let's rephrase that accurately - I'm not mocking her; I'm mocking HER mindset. First, why should you assume that anyone else has her mindset? I would never assume that you would be that shallow and judgemental to generalize her questions to any population of people (i.e. mothers, mothers-in-law, kollel families or baltimorons). Second, what is the difference between attacking her and how she thinks? Yes, Descartes' "I think therefore I am" may be outdated based on neuroscience but one's thoughts are still a part of a person.

Based on Torah law, why should you not have to assume that she is using other criteria that the one she asked you about so you hold her in higher regard?


Also, alas, I'm not your typical yeshivish person who you can pigeonhole. I couldn't care less if you went to the University of Maryland or were a garbage collector. I am friends with most of my neighbors who are Protestant, agnostic or Catholic and my kids play with their kids because they are NICE people. They are respectful of me and my religious beliefs and I am to them as well. I don't know if I would find that with you as a neighbor.

10:50 PM, July 02, 2007

 
Blogger AlanLaz said...

Why should I assume that others have her mindset?

Get your head out of the clouds. You didn't have the conversation with her; I did.

And by saying that I'm not respectful of others' religious beliefs, are you admitting that this is a "religious belief" of some people? That can't bem as, according to you, we're obligated to assume that this is an isolated quirk in her, and even if it isn't, that there's nobody else who thinks like her - hey, I'm just judging l'chaf zechus.

And, even if I am acting improperly in this instance, aren't you bound by Torah law to assume that it is an isolated, rather than a stable, trait? You may have some serious fessin' up to do later on if you don't move in next door - it shows that you aren't judging l'chaf zechus.

Like I said - get your heads out of the clouds (or whatever other phrase you prefer).

3:44 AM, July 03, 2007

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know a few people moving off of Falstaff. But it's seriously considered "yeshivish" vs. the rest of Pickwick. These sweeping overgeneralizations are pathetic.

2:24 PM, July 05, 2007

 

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